Celebrity Fashion Disasters OR
What Were They Thinking?
by our Style Guru Pat Jacobs
What the *#?*# is this, a big fancy shirt? It almost looks like Beyonce has no underwear on or like she forgot her pants or skirt. I guess that's the latest fashion trend; a hip or thigh-length shirt and tiny shorts underneath that give the appearance of nothing on your lower half. And exactly how do sit in this?
Did you know that ankle strap shoes make your legs look chunkier and you'll actually look shorter? Now technically, the singer's legs look OK, but if she was wearing regular heels, she WOULD appear slimmer and taller. These shoes make your FEET look great, but that's all. I understand that Beyonce's mother designs her clothes and has even started a fashion line. I personally would NEVER buy this for myself (Not my style; too hoochie!) or anyone else I know (I just wouldn't buy anything from this "fashion line" at all).
She's world renowned as the Queen of Soul, but Aretha Franklin has never been known for her fashion sense. If she has on a lovely color, such as the mint green dress pictured right, she's totally popping out of it or the design highlights her weight. Or either the design's all right, but the color doesn't flatter her. The white dress she's wearing in the other picture isn't flattering at all; she actually looks even bigger! (Unless you're very thin-and even then...this color usually adds pounds to you).
It looks tacky for a woman of ANY age to wear something in which you're falling out of your dress. Some guys love this, but believe me, overall, you'll look like a hooker. I would also put Franklin in the Fashion Emergency Hall of Fame; throughout the decades (with a few exceptions), she's consistently appeared in some of the weirdest creations you've ever seen. Reining in the breasts, wearing darker colors, and more past-the-hip length jackets (She has very big arms, among other areas) tops, and coatdresses would be a helpful start.
The dress design here isn't bad at all; it's the leopard print.
Wearing animal prints from head to toe is simply a bit too much. It often looks as though the animal ate you. You should use leopard and other animal prints as accents or just in small doses-a head scarf, shoes, a blouse or top, or on a headband (And not all at once!)
Now I realize that being in a pop/hip-hop group (The Black-Eyed Peas) and also being a solo pop star enables you to slice the cutting edge, clothes-wise, but can't you still be fashionable AND decent looking at the same time? This get-up is a hot look right now (Didn't Britney Spears start this trend around 9-10 years ago?), but even on a teenager, it just looks like hoochie or hooker wear to me. And how do you sit in this??!!
Sometimes Fergie is pictured wearing a tiara; I think she has an album out called "The Duchess" and Fergie's her nickname, therefore... But still, unless you've just won a beauty pageant, are the main participant in a quincenera ceremony (an Hispanic event for a fifteen-year-old), or you're actual royalty, tiara-wearing is just not a cool fashion look.
Now this is too much information. My mother always said "Just a hint of mint" is what you want when it comes to cleavage. Simpson might as well be totally topless; you can pretty much see all her breasts anyway!
Even if she's taped in securely, she still needs to be covered up more. You know what I think? I believe that since the divorce from Nick Lachey, she's showing off her assets, so to speak, to available males and to also convey the message, "Hey, look what you're not going to get anymore" to her ex-husband. (I think Simpson may have a clothing line, too. No further comment here.)
The dress by itself (with regular heels) would have been nice. The fur vest paired with a nice pair of pants, a blouse or top, and regular heels would have looked casual-elegant. As it is, this combination gives her a bag lady appearance. It's like she dressed in a big hurry or just didn't care what she wore that day.
None of this looks or coordinates well. And remember what I said about the ankle strap shoes? Regular heels would give her a longer leg line and would have looked 100% better. And Lopez also has a clothing line. One can say a lot of things at this point, but I'll refrain.
Is that a dress or a top? I'm assuming that this is a macro-mini dress with white lace-up boots. The dress (?) needs to be longer, for obvious reasons. If the dress (?) was a decent length, those white boots would really complement her outfit. As it is, it all just looks like hoochie or hooker wear again. And I don't get the small black bag with the larger brown snakeskin print (?) one; none of it goes together and clashes big-time with the dress (?) she has on.
Now in the other pic, she's wearing a cowboy hat, a tiny black bra, and one of the ugliest looking skirts I've ever seen. It's very low-riding and flared out, which doesn't enhance it or help its wearer at all. Returning home for a complete change would suffice here.
Speaking of another ugly piece of clothing...usually you can't go wrong in a little black dress, and Kirsten is not often wrong at getting it right. But I was mistaken, for apparently she can. Really, what's wrong here is that horrible design; and what the ##** is that fabric thing in the middle?
The secret is don't just buy ANY black dress. PLEASE get something that looks very cool when you wear it!
Ladies, always check your mirrors before you leave home. In doubt? If it's ugly, too tight, almost non-existent, looks like you and the animal print had a fight - and you lost, or one of your local hookers has a similar outfit, I strongly recommend that you don't wear it (at least not out in public, anyway).