Savvy womens Magazine

Erectile Dysfunction: It's Not Just A Man's Problem

Think about it - you're a woman in your late 40's or early 50's. You need sex. Meanwhile, he's already snoring. Sound familiar? Maybe it's time to look into the problem.

By Vonnie Kennedy

Think about it - you're a woman in your late 40's or early 50's, you exercise every day, buy your skincare at the cosmetic counter of an upscale department store, and wear something sexy when you go to bed just in case he's in the mood.

It's been weeks and you're really getting to the point where you need to be held by him, stroked by him, and told you look beautiful. You need sex. Meanwhile, he's already snoring. Sound familiar? Maybe it's time to look into the problem.

According to Stanley A Brosman, MD, and Stephen W Leslie, MD, FACS in their article Erectile Dysfunction on, sexual dysfunction is often associated with disorders such as diabetes, hypertension, coronary artery disease, neurologic disorders, and depression.

In some patients, sexual dysfunction may be the presenting symptom of such disorders. Additionally, ED is often an adverse effect of many medications.

Women may also suffer from some of these same conditions to say nothing of the struggle through debilitating troubles that accompany reproductive organs and/or menopause.

As we move into the 21st century, men and women have so many resources at their fingertips, such as the Internet, books, and magazines relating to health issues. However, the most important resource of all is your doctor.

Some men are unwilling to discuss erectile dysfunction with anyone including their spouse or doctor, thus, forecasting a very grim future for a healthy sexual relationship.

On the other hand, you are determined to enjoy the second half of your life, which includes sexual intimacy. In this situation, what can you do when your partner is reluctant or embarrassed to look for a solution?

Here are a few suggestions:

Talk to each other

Couples need to sit down and talk seriously about their feelings and needs. Women should explain that although you are entering the second phase of your life, it is important, not only for you to continue to have a healthy sex life, it's essential for a happy relationship.

This doesn't mean you expect a roll in the hay every night. In fact, most women are happy with plenty of foreplay without intercourse. However, your partner needs to understand that going without sex altogether is not an option you will accept.

Go with him to the doctor

Insist on accompanying him to the doctor's office including the examination room as he may find it very difficult to explain the symptoms. This way you will be there to fill in the blanks.

If he is suffering from a condition that requires drugs, it's very important to discuss with the doctor the possibility of finding other medications that may decrease or eliminate the side effects. Unfortunately, in many cases this is not an option.

The next step would be to ask the doctor to suggest a counselor or therapist who specializes in sexual health. This may be a tough one if your partner is uncomfortable with the idea. The doctor needs to encourage him that talking to a specialist may be necessary to get to the root of the problem.

Communication and Self-help books

Men tend to focus on intercourse as the most important aspect to sexual enjoyment. You must convince him that this is absolutely not true. Give him a quick anatomy course to show him what stimulates and pleasures  you.

Hopefully, this will lead to some real action, but if not, take him by the hand and lead him to the computer to check out

There are dozens of books that focus on sexual dysfunction and alternatives to the traditional sex. Here's a couple to check out:

' Let Me Count the Ways: Discovering Great Sex Without Intercourse by Marty Klein, Riki Robbins
' Everything You Know About Love and Sex Is Wrong: Twenty-Five Relationship Myths Redefined to Achieve Happiness and Fulfillment in Your Intimate Life by Pepper Schwartz , Ph.D.

Let your partner know that sexual intimacy can be most enjoyable without intercourse; therefore, the pressure to perform is off his shoulders.

Sex toys

It's important to have an open mind when attempting to conquer problems in the bedroom.

The idea of sex toys often causes conservative couples to blush. However, both parties should understand that the use of artificial stimulation is accepted widely among couples today, young or old, traditional or untraditional.

There are oodles of erotic books, scented oils, or sex paraphernalia that together you can seek out and enjoy. Two popular online stores are and Ordering such items online may make you feel more comfortable than buying them at the adult bookstore down the street. If you feel you are not ready for the blatantly obvious merchandise, visit and/or and discover more romantic and discreet objects of pleasure.

Let me stress that if your spouse is not receptive to this type of stimulation, you can use most of these types of items alone. In many cases this leads to the sexual satisfaction you are lacking with your partner.

There's nothing wrong with going solo if the end result is a happy relationship.

Good News

Fortunately, because sex is discussed more openly today that it was thirty or forty years ago, couples in the second stage of their lives are able to work together to find a solution, which will lead to a happy sexual relationship for years to come. Just remember, Ladies, a little nudging from you can make a world of difference.

About the Author:
Vonnie Kennedy is a freelance writer from South Florida. She has her own website, offering her services as an online office professional.