Grumpy Old Women
Camilla: ' Gawd'when will it ever end? Light me another fag, Darling.'
Tina: 'Certainly, oh grand Duchess.'
Germaine: 'Forget it. That bloody cow will be with us for ever.'
Camilla: 'History should be on my side. This is just so ridiculous. Dim bloody blonde.'
Germaine: 'You are just so spot on, but the populous is history deprived and far too glamour-orientated.'
Tina: 'She really did get that celebrity ball rolling didn't she? There's no stopping it now.'
Camilla: 'Sod it. I'm off on a luxury holiday and it will surely cost Chas.'
Tina: 'You mean big bucks or bedroom blockade?'
Camilla: 'Both naturally. Top up my glass, my dear.'
The ever queenly Duchess of Cornwall is not a happy royal bunny. She was going'she wasn't going'she was going'she wasn't going'to the service remembering Diana ten years after her untimely death. The final decision reached merely two days before the momentous memorial.
Camilla was purportedly invited by William and Harry to be up front and centre, but after a backlash against her from the pro-Diana contingency, the Queen advised her not to attend, obviously now herself cognisant of that element alien to all royals ' public opinion.
Camilla is said to be incensed at the way the issue has been handled by Charles' aides. A source confirmed that 'She cannot wait to go on holiday. She is going with some close friends and no expense has been spared. The Prince of Wales will not be joining his wife. It is fair to say the Duchess of Cornwall is looking forward to her holiday with or without him. Perhaps a few courtiers can reflect on their futures in her absence." Dear, dear me. Heads could roll'metaphorically at least, this not being France et al.
Tina Brown, who has lived in New York ever since living memory, yet managed to write 430 pages on her 'very good' friend, Diana. Quite the long-distance relationship I'd say. Nearer to the memorial service, Tina whipped up an 'in favour' of Diana article for The Sunday Times extolling the virtues of the virtuous rather than villainous Diana.
'To be sure, there was always an element of risk with Diana. That's what makes her perennially fascinating.' I'm suffering with whiplash at the sudden turn around here.
TB contends that Diana was 'plotting something she had never had before: a career. She wanted to do something herself that would show she wasn't an idiot.' Her word, not mine. Adult illiteracy was to be first on Diana's agenda.
Germaine Greer goes straight for the jugular in her tirade in the same edition of The Sunday Times: dumb and manipulative. 'Of the four Spencer children' because of her slowness, she was easily found out in her preposterous fibs'When it began to look more and more likely that her father would take Raine, Countess of Dartmouth, as his second wife, Diana, who was then at West Heath boarding school in Kent, persuaded a younger girl to write Raine a poison pen letter. Apparently she didn't have the courage to write her own letter, and instead used her influence over a younger child to get her to do it for her'You can understand why, in the struggle to cope with her sly malevolence, Diana said Raine Spencer repeatedly asked why she had to be 'so thick' and 'so silly'.
Oh dear me. GG has made it rather obvious that she herself bypassed childhood completely and undoubtedly has never been within 30 feet of a child'except for those post-pubescent specimens whose physical attributes she gleefully raptures on about. Suspiciously close to the 'P' word, GG. Augh.
'Diana was never a fashion icon; she dressed to the same demotic standard of elegance as TV anchorwoman'.' And this from an obviously unfit feminist icon swathing herself in nothing but grey. An attempt at increasing those little grey cells by osmosis? No evidence of that here.
These pontificating grumpy old women have all taken full on advantage of Diana ' in life and death; each one suffering from ignorance of fundamental, flawed human nature, including their own self-awareness. I rather doubt that even the BBC would consider them for their Grumpy Old Women programme; the audience couldn't relate.
Perhaps Diana expressed it best: 'Stand by for a mood swing, boys,' she apparently used to say jokingly to her private secretary, Patrick Jephson and his team.
Tina: 'Oh Duchess, you have so much more going for you than that bottle-blonde bimbo. Intelligence, patience, inner beauty, charisma. New York just adores your incomparable style.'
Camilla: 'Oh do go on, darling. I'm basking in your sycophantic accolades.'
Germaine: 'Let me give it a go. Fashion forward icon, humble, down to earth, blood-sporting heroine.'
'Camilla: 'More, more'.'
Maggie is from Manhattan, where she was a painter, then designer of clothing, objects, textiles, interiors while writing for various publications and her own webzine. She is permanently based in London, the city of irony, from where she writes regularly to her gal pal Lulu in New York.
You can read her amusing tales about London's daily life, people, current events, politics, fashion and culture at her website www.lettersfromlondon.com.
You can also read more of Maggie's letters to Lulu at Letters from London on this site.