Savvy womens Magazine


Why Complain? When You Wake Up It's Still You!

See the beautiful you... yes SEE, not FIND!

by Brintha Jayapandian Gardner

Do you recognize yourself?

When you look in the mirror, do you see yourself or do you see what you want to be? If you said the latter, why do you think that is? Does it mean you don't like what you are right now? Not necessarily.

Sometimes looking at a mirror makes you look beyond. You may grab a hairbrush and pretend to start singing; you may picture yourself giving a presidential speech, etc. Is doing that being silly? To be broad-minded is what I call it, life is something I cherish dearly and to confine it to being not creative and following just one path is a loss bigger than any other.

You sometimes wonder if whatever you are portraying in the mirror just stays there, in the mirror and you keep dreaming and aspiring. That is a good first step, but how can you lose weight if you're standing still on a treadmill. It is time to move. If it is your dream, another person alone can not convert it to reality. If you really see yourself as a singer/writer/ doctor/ president, anything; go ahead and give it a shot. If you wonder what I saw when I looked in the mirror, I saw myself talking about my book on the great Oprah Winfrey show (yes I know wishful thinking but I still accept it). I find acceptance a great first step.

Do you ever feel what you see in the mirror is just something that will never happen but you're just enjoying the moment?

Well open your eyes this is a mirror you're looking at, not a crystal ball, its not going to tell you 'Hey I see this in your future so get your eyes off me and start working hard'. We wish it was a crystal ball. Pessimism never helped anyone; at least I don't think so.

The environment around us plays a great role in our attitudes and behaviors which are very important. More important is our attitude to ourselves. When we have to face challenges in life we sometimes think, 'I can't compete with all those millions, what are the odds of me winning'? Where are these millions?? Yes there are certain contests where the competition might reach a million but to get a job promotion, get the first rank in your class/school, be a part of a particular peer group you like, succeed in an interview, come out first in a competition and other normal challenges, where exactly are these millions?

Have you really ever stopped panicking and actually looked at what your real competition is? Maybe you haven't because you're afraid of the results but think of it this way: Once you know who you exactly are dealing with and what you are facing, a bit of the pressure falls.

Which part you ask? The element of surprise. Ignorance can make a person go crazy at times; it can keep you guessing and literally drive you insane.

Facing one hurdles isn't winning the race but is giving you the confidence to continue the race.

Does the outside match the inside?

' Attire:
It is found in some magazines that your dress and accessories reflect your personality. Is that always true?

So if I see you wearing black all the time, does it mean you're a person who is just depressed and mournful all the time? And if you are wearing white, you're all cheery and happy all the time?

Addressing the first question, a person could wear black if black was their favorite color just like blue, green, red or any other color is. And for the other question, coming from India I would definitely say not always, as white is worn in most funerals in my country and for Monday uniforms in some schools, while it is worn by a bride at a wedding in the United States.

It is quite ironic sometimes, culturally speaking. Can a person really be judged by merely their outfits? Oh come on now! You have not spoken one word to a person and you see the outfit and suddenly you know this person? Unless you have ESP, I highly doubt it.

According to the Oxford dictionary: 'Attire=Clothes and Clothes=Things worn to cover the body'. If one chooses to wear something made by them, picked up at a retail store or a brand-specific outlet, does it really matter? Sure it is to the paparazzi if you're a celebrity but really I feel people in general should be able to buy clothes of their preference not worrying about how their peers may feel about it.

But, if you wear an outfit to please another alone and not yourself, another problem arises. Not the discomfort or sacrifice, but the fact that you are happy that another person is happy alone and you are not. Things done selflessly to make others happy and gain smiles and recognition is wonderful, but what is more wonderful is being happy yourself at the same time.

' Image:
So you're into only indoor sports but you tell others you are quite the outdoorsman/woman. Why is that? Let's see, when I was in my early teens, I met a lot of people who claimed to be things but when taken to the test, could only 'talk the talk and not walk the walk'.

So people do this because they think they are getting recognition. Hmm'lying to yourself and lying to others and having them later discover the lie leading to possible humiliation develops recognition? I don't really recall ever hearing or studying that theory in school.

I feel it takes no guts at all to make up a lie about yourself but it takes more guts to express your real likes when you have in mind that it may not be the most popular one in your environment.

An old friend of mine did chalk carving, what is chalk carving some may ask? Well my friend would use a small knife or other sharp tools to gently carve into a piece of chalk (yes those normal chalks pieces teachers once used on blackboards in school). It takes so much skill, time and patience and the result according to me were magnificent masterpieces. I think people should not make others happy to make themselves happy; I feel they should be happy already with what they do and who they are and in the process make others feel happy with what they are capable of.

A good friend of mine once told me, 'It's great to be cool its cool to be different, its different to be unique, its unique to be yourself'. One of the most beautiful things I have ever heard.

Plastic surgery, a need to change your looks? Or more?

Simple question: Does surgery change your personality? Simple answer: No.

Some people may feel it boosts their confidence and morale after surgery. Let's see, you grew up a certain way, in a certain environment, in a certain lifestyle for several years, and then surgery occurs and changes the rest how? It doesn't.

A mask worn over a face is sometimes done to shield one of their identities. Surgery is a mask in some ways. It covers up the person's identity. How then can a person retain their individuality? I am sure several people would disagree with my opinion on this. Some would even say life is short, do what you want as long as you are happy.

I was told as a child that life is an ice-cream and that it should be enjoyed before it melted. I agree but, if you are going to add mustard and ranch dressing to chocolate ice-cream, I think you're not going to be better off. Mustard is nice and so is ranch dressing but there is a time and place for everything as well.

There are many people with different assets in the world, just because you have the physical ability to pour ranch dressing on your ice-cream does not mean you do it. This is very mild in comparison to altering your body. The effects are much graver and I don't feel it is totally worth it. I have read many articles where people talk about their surgeries and how they feel this was how they were meant to be and now they feel more beautiful. But those same people have regrets for at least one moment in their life for their actions.

If you even experience that one second of regret, how could you honestly say you are really happy; hesitation is normal but regret, a whole different thing. If you truly believe in who you are, why do you shell out money, pain and time to prove that to others?

When a person wants to read do they buy books or book covers? We are people, not statues that are meant to stay in one particular form. I am not saying we should live like primitive beings and not take care of our looks. Changing hairstyles, applying makeup is all fine and normal. But if altering one's body to stay physically 'beautiful' for life is fulfilling enough, we would live in a world with libraries of book covers.

People would see what you've become and your own identity would not be known. It would be lost not just to others but eventually to yourself.

'Life's beauties knows no bounds,
Its mysteries and intricacies intrigue us.
To want more could however mean losing out in small wonders.
If we stared just at the sea, we could not admire the beautiful waves.
If we stared just at the sun, we could not bask in the marvel that is the rays of the sun.
If we stared just at well kept gardens, we could not admire the pretty flower that peeks from the sidewalk.
If we were busy only admiring others, we would lose out on admiring ourselves.
And that is a loss, bigger, than any other.'


Brinthna GardnerAbout the Author:

Brintha Gardner grew up in India, was raised in the Middle East and emigrated to the US where she completed her studies and met her husband in 2004. Brintha says, "I feel blessed in my life with family, friends and the best in-laws a girl can have and take the upsets that life has thrown at me with a strong heart. My husband is the rock in my life and a treasure in my world."